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May 5th 2.00am]
new eljay!
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May 3rd 11.33pm]
i know exactly where i want to be.
i know exactly where i want to be:
in your bed, lying dead.
will that get your attention sweetie!?
fresh cut wrists and still clenched fists.
am i messing up your sheets?
well, i'll be gone soon.

May 2nd 11.11pm]

I don't know whats up with me lately, but I feel so irratable. I just keep getting irritated at everyone for anything at all.

My relationship with Andrew seems to be on the rocks. I don't know if he realizes it or not, or if he even thinks that. Knowing him, he probably thinks everything is fine. We always seem mad at each other. I don't know what's happened. I think there have been little things/triggers that have happened that has put a strain on our relationship. First it was me hugging Elliott, then it was him drinking, me going to prom, him yelling at me before prom, and whatever else. I feel a lot differently than I did before. I lost a lot of respect for him when he told me he drank that beer. It might've been one beer, but it still meant something to me. Maybe everyone thinks I overreacted, but I felt betrayed, lied to. It hurt my feelings, made me lose my trust in him, and now I seem to always be irritated at him. Why do I feel so irriated at him? I can't even look at him the same and that bothers me. I held so much respect for him not drinking, I actually kind of bragged about it. I was proud that he didn't do that anymore. It bothered me when he drank before. Now I feel like he doesn't like me as much as he did. We used to just randomly say "I Love You" all the time. For a while, it annoyed the hell out of me because I didn't feel like he meant it, but then he kept saying it and I finally began to believe it and it made me happy. We only say it when we leave each other or we get off the phone. While I was sitting on the phone, I kept thinking of asking him if he still liked me or not. I felt dumb asking it, so I didn't. Sometimes I feel like he does and then other times I feel like I'm in the way or that he couldn't care less if I was around. I usually mostly feel like he doesn't care. And that's just as of late. He says he does, but we don't seem to be able to talk to each other. Maybe I'm just going through a phase and this is going along with me being sad all the time. Maybe something really is wrong, I don't know.
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SENIOR PROM / PUPPY kthnx [Sunday.
April 30th 6.57pm]
edit: fucking pictures arent working. i'll fix this peice of shit later. goddamn.

Hibriten's Senior/Junior 2006 Prom was yesterday. I went with David. While on our way out to take pictures in my FFFFFFFFFFFugly yard, Andrew called and bitched to me about my entry below this one. Needless to say, I yelled/screamed/cursed/etc in front of my mom, dad, David, David's mom, and her boyfriend. If my Nanny had been there, more than likely I would have just told him to fuck off and hungup on him. He pissed me off beyond belief and I'm seriously surprised that I'm even talking to him right now. This arguing and assuming shit has GOT to fucking stop before I call it quits. Anyway, after that huge embarassment, we went outside and snapped a few pictures. My nanny came down a few minutes later with the puppy that this lady had offered her. Its (supposed) to be a miniature beagle. She's so cute. She was overfed yesterday and was flipping fat as hell and had a tummyache. She whines a lot and she loves following us around. My dad wanted a dog to breed his meanass dog, so bleh. We left my house and went to HHS for pictures and to wait for Prom to start. David remembered he forgot the tickets at his house and we had to go back to his house and get them. Then on the way back to HHS, I remembered that I forgot my ID, so when we go to HHS I called my mom and she brought it. We had pictures taken. They were pretty lame. They made us stand like we were dating or something, like with us holding hands. Seriously, people do no fucking listen. I think I blinked too. Wow, I probably ruined a $65 set of photos, eh. We sat outside the school and waited on Prom to start. This girl I was in chorus named Tiffany came up. David reminded her who I was and she remembered me. She said that when she saw me she thought that David had brought some twenty year old with him or something. We stood outside for freaking ever, I froze my tush off. We were like maybe the third couple inside. David didn't know he had to reserve a table, so he didn't and they sat us randomly at a table. We were sat at a table with Andy, Anna, Lindsay, Ryan (I can't remember his last name, but he's Lindsay's boyfriend), and Channing. We smuggled Ahmad over to our table too. They had random little things to eat and I ate the BIGGEST strawberry ever yesterday. It was like the size of an apple, I swearrr! There were a bunch of people who remembered me. Even Mr. Spicer remembered me. I saw Elliott there and go a picture with him. Saw Taylor too. And Eric. I mainly just hungout with Ahmad and David. And unlike most of the kids there, instead of going to an after party (even though we were invited to like 4359437 million and offered rides) and getting plastered, David and I went back to his house and watched Narnia and I stayed the night. Yep, thats pretty much it. I didn't take that many pictures. :\ I wanted to take pictures of the decorations, but they were practically just tinfoil.

edit2: I'm too lazy to actually link the pictures with little captions. All of the prom photos are located here. I'll upload the puppy ones next time.
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